california

i came across old photos from some days in California six years back with a dear friend, and oh the VENTRAL STATE it sent me into. Tears flooding my eyes, the surge of “anything can happen”, dreams and memories springing to the surface of my mind. These days, they marked me in a way that is still a bit hard to put words to. maybe it was the way the coast called us; the way the holy spirit orchestrated and led each step.

the days these photos held were all surrender, possibility, a deep yes in my spirit to the unknown, the start of my waking up. my healing.

i was flashed back to a gray morning in Laguna, coffee and the sand. endless awe and wonder and exploring and tasting and seeing.

flashed back to birds overhead and the softness of the waves. the sense of sheer delight in my chest.

flashed back to worship nights in LA, my best friend leaning over and whispering “I so see you here.”

flashed back to me laughing and shrugging her off, clueless i would move there the next year.

flashed back to us squealing our way down highway 1, driving into the hills at dusk in our BMW convertible upgrade (a kiss from God)

flashed back to singing (screaming) john mayer and travis tritt on our way to santa monica pier

whenever i need a golden memory to replay, i come here. i come to photos, to music, to the feelings in my body stirred by this trip..

a place that holds a thousand pieces of my soul, the place that unwound and unravelled and broke me wide open.

the place that pointed me to my wounded self, and ultimately gave me the permission i needed to heal.

California sent me down a path of bravery, of running toward my edges, over and over and over.

remembering what i’m made of, and the woman i’m learning to let lead the way.

enjoy a little reminiscing and a few photos that bring me back home; California, 2017.